im just me I'm a little 3yr old at heart I love Disney but I love the darker side of things as well im different and I try to embrace it....I have a wonderful little girl... I love gothic and emo things I live each day not to impress others but to be all I can be...I can be emotional and crazy(good way) haha I just want to express what I want and need what I desire to have.
I’m feeling mushy, so here have some kissing cuties cuz kissing and cuddling chubby bits is important ♡
It’s something that I feel gets overlooked a lot in BDSM and especially in D/s. We’re spoon-fed these images of thin submissives kneeling for Fabio-esque Dominants, but how many of us actually fit into that?
The thing about it is simple: some do fit into it, some don’t. Everyone’s different, and that’s okay.
No, really, that’s okay.
I have to remind myself that every day, not just as a submissive, because really, that’s not at all what this post is about, but as a woman. As a young woman. As an overweight, mousy, young woman. I spend a good thirty minutes in front of the mirror every day repeating over and over:
You are beautiful.
You are worthy
You are amazing.
Over, and over until my head spins. Some days, I don’t even look at the mirror. Some days, I hear the word ‘worthless’ with every beat of my heart. I feel the word ‘fat’ etched into every curve of my spine, every bend of my bones, and I can’t hold my head up.
I weigh 270+ pounds. I suffer from an eating disorder. I suffer from body image issues, insecurities, being the ‘fat’ friend, being the ‘fat’ girlfriend, the ‘chubby’ submissive. I suffer at my own hands, at the hands of every man who tells me I’m not fuckable, at the hands of every woman who looks at me and murmurs, at the hands of every person who has ever offered a ‘suggestion’, or a justification, or a provocation.
But most of all, I suffer because I let other people tell me what I should look like. I let other people who can’t look me in the eye, who down another drink to muster up the courage to ask a girl to fuck, who spend hours covering their own face with prosthetics, who whisper promises of starvation and miracle diets to themselves in mirrors, tell ME how I should fucking look, and dress, and feel, and fuck.
I have spent the better part of the last 6 years of my life letting other people shame me for being fat. For being overweight. Meanwhile, I have starved myself sick, I have hated myself ugly, I have slept myself hollow trying to find the happiness in thin, and it doesn’t exist.
Thin is not who I want to be.
I want to be Kitten. I want to be the girl with the kickin’ curves, but more importantly, I want to be the girl with the big heart, the open hands, the girl who will take you in from the pouring rain, give you a hot meal, and tell you it will all be okay tomorrow. I want to be the girl with the mind that never stops learning, the writer who is always stained with words she cannot entirely get out, I want to be the girl with laughter etched in her eyes, and a broad smile written across her arms. I want to be the girlfriend that will ride her boyfriend into bliss and not care if my fucking stomach is a little jiggly or round. I want to be more than what I fucking look like or weigh, and I will be.
I fucking will be.
I will be whatever weight I feel like being today. I will dress in whatever is comfortable for me. I will walk with confidence. I will be the girl who overcomes her disorders, who overcomes the voice in her head telling her she is simply fat, simply worthless, simply whatever, because of what a fucking scale says.
I will be healthy, and happy, and I will do it on my fucking terms.
Photo credit: Whoever took and posed for this lovely picture. (If you know, please inform me)
I fucking love thisI nearly cried reading thisI hope it taught you something Lexie ♡♡
She is so beautiful